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In Memory of Gem Fernandez, 'Always Come Proper' Fundraising Goal

By Ylang Fernandez Lowman

Help me reach my goal of £2,600

Strides of Love- A Mother's Journey Through the Sahara for Gem

On the 25th of November 2023, our lives changed forever. We lost our beloved son and hero, Gem, to suicide at the age of 31. The pain of his loss is indescribable—something no parent should ever have to endure. His absence has left a deep and lasting void in our hearts.


To honour Gem’s memory, I’ve committed to take on one of the most gruelling endurance events on earth: the Marathon des Sables Legendary. This ultramarathon, taking place in the Sahara Desert from the 3rd to the 13th of April 2026, spans 270 kilometres over six consecutive stages—across sand dunes, rocky plains, and scorching temperatures—all while carrying my own food and gear for the entire race.

I’m not an athlete. I’ve never done anything like this before. But I will push through every blister, every step, and every challenge—not powered by adrenaline, but by the pure and unwavering love of a mother. My goal is not just to reach the finish line, but to carry Gem’s spirit with me every step of the way.

During the darkest time of our lives, Rethink Support After Suicide service became a lifeline. Their care, compassion, and guidance have meant more than words can express. Now, I’m raising funds so that Rethink Mental Illness Charity can continue this vital work, helping other families and friends devastated by suicide.

💛 Please support this journey in memory of Gem.

Your donation—no matter how big or small—will make a meaningful difference. Together, we can ensure that no one has to navigate this pain alone. Help us raise awareness, offer support, and honour the lives of those lost too soon.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Ylang Fernandez Lowman

 


To read my full story, click on the link 👉https://www.rethink.org/news-and-stories/blogs/2025/05/the-extraordinary-power-of-love-ylang-s-story/

 

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H

Thursday 1st Jan
“Extreme but good.” These words were spoken by a member of a Rethink support group during a meeting, as he shared his plans for the future—his way of moving forward after loss. They stayed with me. From that moment on, my entire year of 2025 became devoted to training for the Marathon des Sables Legendary—the toughest footrace on earth. Life, I’ve come to realise, is much like an ultramarathon. It hits you with terrain you didn’t choose and pain you didn’t plan for. You can run it, you can walk it, or you can quit. But quitting doesn’t simply end the race—it leaves unanswered questions, unfinished growth, and a quiet erosion of self-belief. When you quit on the course, you carry it with you; when you quit on life’s challenges, the cost is even greater. You miss the strength you never knew you had, the lessons waiting just beyond the pain, and the version of yourself that only emerges by continuing forward—one step at a time. I’ve learned that I am stronger when I am not alone. And if there’s one thing I don’t want to be with, it’s PAIN—but pain finds me anyway. It walks beside me, breath for breath, a constant presence I can’t outrun. So I stop fighting it. I make space for it. I let it sit beside me. Somewhere in that surrender, pain stops breaking me and begins to carry me. Like many unfamiliar with the ultramarathon scene, I once thought the runners were crazy. Meeting them changed my perspective. They are ordinary yet extraordinary people from all walks of life, each driven by a deeper purpose. They not only understand one another’s struggles in life, but also endure hours of pain on the trail with quiet resilience—and that endurance inspires me. One of those extraordinary people is my coach, Rory Coleman—GB elite ultra runner coach and 10-time Guinness World Record holder. He often says he’s not training me to become a runner, but to bring out the best in me. After losing my son, Gem, to suicide two years ago, Rory understands the depth of what I’ve been carrying and believes that something good must come from my grief. Along the way, he has become far more than a coach: a therapist, a counsellor, a guru, and a friend, all rolled into one. Through his belief and guidance, he has helped me turn pain into purpose. Signing up for the Marathon des Sables Legendary comes at a high cost—not just financially, but physically and emotionally. It demands discipline, months of training squeezed into family and working life, and an acceptance that injury is always close. I’m still recovering from my third— a knee injury just three months before the race. There’s also the task of convincing your husband that you’re not punishing yourself, in a race so extreme it requires life insurance for repatriation—just in case the desert wins. As a New Year begins, I don’t see this challenge as an escape from pain, but a commitment to meet it head-on. 2025 is not about proving strength, but discovering it; not about outrunning grief, but carrying it with purpose. One step at a time, across sand and sorrow, I choose to keep going—because some paths are EXTREME, BUT GOOD. Ylang Fernandez Lowman Marathon Des Sables 2026 participant

Finishing Day 3 together with Sam and William

Thursday 13th Nov

Day 1 - at the finish line with Camilla and Franceska

Thursday 13th Nov

Finishing Last, but Winning in Spirit 🥇

Thursday 13th Nov

Three days. Eighty three miles.  Endless climbs. Mud, wind, and grit.

The Druids Ultra Trail Challenge pushed me beyond every limit I thought I had — and then some.

Yes, I crossed the finish line last. But in the race that truly mattered — the one about showing up, staying present, and refusing to quit — I finished first.

Every step taught me something priceless for the journey ahead to the MDS Legendary: what works, what doesn’t, and how incredibly powerful the mind can be when the body wants to stop.

But the biggest lesson wasn’t about pace, strategy, or endurance. It was about people — the kindness of strangers, the shared laughter, and the encouragement that carried me farther than I thought possible. 

I was lucky to meet Camilla and Franceska, an amazing mother-and-daughter duo I joined on the route. We finished the first day together, and I’ll always be grateful for their warmth, encouragement, and support.

And on the final day, I crossed the finish line alongside Sam and William — an incredible mother-and-son team whose energy and kindness carried me through those last tough miles. I truly couldn’t have made it without them.

Because finishing last doesn’t mean losing. It means you kept going — when others might have stopped.

And that, to me, is the real victory. 



2nd marathon training @Bath City with Team Coleman

Sunday 2nd Nov
Beating my previous marathon distance by an entire hour! It’s true- you hardly notice the time when you’re having fun. Sharing stories, trading banter, and laughing together as we ran through sun, rain, and muddy puddles. In the end, it’s not about the distance at all, it’s about the company.

The Crawl to the Finish

Friday 8th Aug

My First Marathon Distance (aka 'The Crawl to the Finish')

Friday 8th Aug

02 August 2025

Well... I did it. I completed my first marathon-distance run. It wasn't fast. It wasn't pretty. But I crossed that finish line (aka my front door) in just under 7 hours. Here's how it all unfolded:


The Plan (or Lack Thereof)


I'll be honest, I was underprepared going in. I had mapped out a scenic route to Guildford along the River Wey, thinking it would be peaceful and straightforward. Turns out, that path is anything but smooth. The terrain was uneven and about halfway through, my right knee's IT band syndrome flared up badly. From there on, I was basically limping.


Fueling Fail


To make things more interesting, I forgot to order more energy gels ahead of time, so I went into this with far too little fuel. Not ideal when you're covering 42 kilometres. My energy dipped hard in the later stages. 


The CamelBak Dilemma


I had packed 2 liters of water in my CamelBak, which felt manageable at first but quickly became a burden. It got so heavy that I started internally negotiating with myself: "If I drink more, at least I'll weigh less..." Probably not the most efficient hydration strategy, but desperate times, called for desperate measures. 


The Final Stretch


By the final few kilometres, I was running on sheer willpower (and very little else). Like a wounded soldier l crawled to the finish line aka my front door. My husband had joked beforehand that I might not be back until the next day. He wasn't entirely wrong.


The Finish


6 hours and 54 minutes later, I made it. No medal, no crowd-just the sweet relief of being horizontal. But I finished. And for a first marathon, especially one done solo and underprepared, I'm calling that a win. 

Thank you to my Sponsors

£103.60

Samantha, Alex And Milo

Dear Ylang, You are an inspiration. I’m so pleased we got to meet and remember and talk about Gem and Milo. Good luck! We will be thinking of you Sam, Alex and Milo xx

£66

Konsehal Pedro Pandus Valenzuela

Goodluck!!

£53.32

Camilla Harris

Thinking of you, especially today. You are an inspiration and I feel privileged to have been a small part of your MDS journey. Camilla x

£53.32

Lawrence White

Go smash this run

£53.32

Barrie Dekker

Good luck Ylang - it was a pleasure to meet you on the Druids Challenge

£50

Roger Wiltshire

Always in awe of your achievements Ylang and always with you on your journeys

£50

William Dekker

Good luck with the MDS! It was a pleasure walking with you on the last day of the Druids challenge 😊

£37.47

Edith Maristela

May God’s confort, peace and loving kindness be upon you always 🙏

£32.23

Gemma Bessant

I had the privilege of supporting Ylang after the heartbreaking loss of her son to suicide. Her courage, resilience, and determination have been nothing short of inspiring. Now, she’s taking on this incredible challenge to raise vital funds for Rethink Mental Illness, helping us continue to support others through their own grief and loss. Ylang is truly amazing, and every step she takes will be in honour of her son and for everyone affected by suicide. Please show your support if you can – every donation makes a difference. 💙

£29.15

Anonymous

£21.84

Deborah Schouten

£21.84

Caroline (team Rory)

Wonderful way to honour your son Ylang.

£20

Francesca Lennon

Such a privilege to meet you on Druid’s Challenge and to finish the first day together. Thank you for sharing Gem with us - you are the most incredible mother, raising money and awareness for such an important cause. We are supporting you all the way to MDS! Xxx

£15

Simon Halliday

You will finish your race Ylang. I am quite certain of that having met you in Bath. This is for a wonderful charity.

£13.46

Anonymous

£13.46

Danny Bailey

Keep up spreading positive messags of living life, you are stronger than any of us can see on the outside.

£13.46

Jenny Anderson

Sending love and strength your way, to guide you across the Sahara. You’ve got this Xx

£13.46

Antonio Galati

£12.98

Janet Ereve

Good luck Ylang ❤️

£12.98

Rosalinda Embile Doot

Best of luck!

£12.98

Jojo Guerrero

Good luck Ylang

£12

Eliza Estrellado

£12

Jo

Don't know you or your son but he would be so proud of you. So sorry for your loss

£11.33

Zannina

Keep going Ylang. Every step helps. Gem would be very proud of you.

£11.33

Casandra Ponta

This is amazing Ylang! Xxx cas

£10

Manny

Best of luck! Keep training and stay strong. xx

£10

Dave

Goodluck Ylang! Your dedication and training inspire us. X

£10

Maria

I hope I’m in a blue jacket at the finish line to see you get your MDS medal.